Once upon a time, there was a bat. Yes, a bat. Everything about him screamed nondescript (We will refer to the bat as ‘him’ because he is very touchy about these matters and as I am currently writing this at gunpoint, it is solely in my interest to oblige to his slightest commands). Coming back to the point, the bat had one sole ambition. He wanted to conquer the universe. Laughably simple, is it not? For a bat with that big a head (ouch!) it probably was.
So one day, tired of zipping around the universe in his Bat Mobile, (Yes, this was THE original Bat Mobile, not the shoddy stuff that the humans copied for Batman in a pathetic attempt to capture its glory) he decided to land on a planet. This interestingly turned out to be Earth.
The Bat Mobile screamed as it fell through the atmosphere, and with a big ‘whoosh’ landed on the most unlikely roof imaginable. To be precise, it was mine. Of course, ‘landed’ isn’t exactly what I meant. ‘Blew a four foot hole through the roof’ is more like what happened. The Bat Mobile landed in my wastepaper basket, and I, who was watching nearby wide-eyed, could only think of one thing- What would my mother say when she saw the mess? My best bet was that she would think I was armed and dangerous.
Well, to cut a long story short, the bat climbed out of the Bat Mobile and pointed a cute little gun at my forehead. Seeing this bizarre little bat, my first reaction was to laugh. Wrong move. Calmly he pointed the gun at my bookcase and blew a two foot hole in it and smirked. This shut me up.
I then said something very intelligent. “Wha… Whaddya want?” I blubbered.
The bat eyed me and then sighed, “Take me to your… President.” He checked up the term on Earthspeak.bat
“But I am not on a first name basis with the President” I protested.
The bat sighed again. “Well then, give me something with which I can communicate with him.”
“Oh, I have an idea. Why don’t I record what you want to say, and then put it on YouTube?” I said excitedly.
“Okay. What does that mean, Earthling?” The bat said, looking confused.
I explained the concept to him, and he visibly brightened. “That would be capital!”
“Err… Okay. There you go. It’s recording.”
Here is what he said.
“Hello dear Earthlings. I have something to say to you. You are not the sole intelligent beings on this planet. There are others… Others with power unimaginable who control this planet. We are the ones who control this planet though you do not have the slightest inkling of our activities. But now we are tired of hiding. Though I am not their representative my brethren have told me of their predicament and I sympathize. So I have come to be their saviour. They do not want to harm you or else they could have vapourised you in an instant if they wished to. I hope you realize the dire gravity of your situation. If you do not concede to our demands you will die. And our demands are very simple. We have found a planet for you in a parallel galaxy. It is larger than this hole you live in and much more comfortable. The only problem is that it is inhabited by the Gastric Grislers, who for your information are grisly monsters who kill you the moment they see you. But that shouldn’t be a problem should it? We give you a timeline of one batore which is approximately eleven Earth months. If you do not go, then may The Almighty Batt have mercy on your soul. Goodbye, dear Earthlings…” he finished.
I was thunderstruck. The bat calmly picked up my jaw from the ground (this is strictly metaphoric) and threw his gun at me which started hovering near my ear. He told me to write a full account of his doings and upload the video and zipped away in his Bat Mobile.
So as I write this, I know I have become an unwary witness of something that I should NOT have witnessesed. But these things keep happening. And so, till my next installment of ‘Bizarre Accounts by a Mad Writer’ I bid you farewell. Adieu.
“Hello dear Earthlings. I have something to say to you. You are not the sole intelligent beings on this planet. There are others… Others with power unimaginable who control this planet. We are the ones who control this planet though you do not have the slightest inkling of our activities. But now we are tired of hiding. Though I am not their representative my brethren have told me of their predicament and I sympathize. So I have come to be their saviour. They do not want to harm you or else they could have vapourised you in an instant if they wished to. I hope you realize the dire gravity of your situation. If you do not concede to our demands you will die. And our demands are very simple. We have found a planet for you in a parallel galaxy. It is larger than this hole you live in and much more comfortable. The only problem is that it is inhabited by the Gastric Grislers, who for your information are grisly monsters who kill you the moment they see you. But that shouldn’t be a problem should it? We give you a timeline of one batore which is approximately eleven Earth months. If you do not go, then may The Almighty Batt have mercy on your soul. Goodbye, dear Earthlings…” he finished.
I was thunderstruck. The bat calmly picked up my jaw from the ground (this is strictly metaphoric) and threw his gun at me which started hovering near my ear. He told me to write a full account of his doings and upload the video and zipped away in his Bat Mobile.
So as I write this, I know I have become an unwary witness of something that I should NOT have witnessesed. But these things keep happening. And so, till my next installment of ‘Bizarre Accounts by a Mad Writer’ I bid you farewell. Adieu.
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